Realizing no one outside of the free clinic will touch them, Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have started having sleepovers together, according to NY Daily News:

“They are completely still hooking up,” one source tells us, adding, “They aren’t exclusive, but they are still spending nights at each other’s houses.” Agrees a Hilton pal, “They speak literally every night on the phone.”

Well, at least we know Benji Madden isn't dating Britney Spears. That would require him to take his penis out of Paris Hilton - or would it? NOTE: Yes, that's Ryan Seacrest in these photos finally hanging with the cool kids. But not really.

Okay, I get it, Pamela Anderson likes stuff spraying near her face; Makes her feel at home. But, Christ, woman, no wonder gas prices go through the roof. You’re topping off every parking lot in Malibu! That said, next time you hit the pump, remind me to park over your ankles with my gas tank open. Trust me, it’ll be fun.

Madonna has already grown weary of A-Rod (Or sacrificed him to Ra the Sun God) and has moved on to young Brazilian model Jesus Luz. The two recently posed together for a W Magazine photo shoot, and he's become a permanent fixture on her tour ever since. Page Six reports:

"She was very interested in him," our sources say - so interested that she invited Luz to join her tour in Sao Paolo and he accepted. "He's there with her now and [photographer] Steven Klein is helping him get along with everyone."
According to the Brazilian Web site, "Everyone knows they are ficando - which is a Portuguese expression that means they are kissing and doing other things but without any obligation of being faithful or getting into a relationship afterwards."

Okay, here's what I don't get, Madonna is clearly into Latin men, so how the hell did she end up with Guy Ritchie in the first place? I'm not saying he's the palest white man out there, however he is British and therefore glows in the dark. I guess it comes in handy so you don't trip going to the bathroom, but damn, lady, you're rich. Buy a nightlight.

Samantha Ronson used to bring in $1500 a gig for her DJing skills, but now that she frequents the Fiery V, she's been pulling in $25 grand a pop netting her almost $3 million this year. NY Daily News reports:

“While Sam never contractually agrees that Lindsay will show up to her shows, promoters, owners and publicists all know that if you book Sam, there’s a high likelihood Lindsay will also show,” an insider close to the couple told us. “Sam’s now asking for a lot more money to spin, and she’s getting it easily.”

Of course, part of the appeal is watching the two fight with each other which seems to be a guarantee lately considering Sam is looking to cut a record and wants Lindsay to keep her career-killing hands off of it:

At a Miami club last week, Lohan sulked in the corner alone, remarking “Sam is hired to host tonight, not me,” when asked if she was okay.
“They fight every day,” said a friend. “It’s just jealousy and childish bickering over the fact that neither feels the other pays enough attention. While they really do love each other, this relationship will be over by March.”

So, basically, Sam has consistent access to Lindsay's giant breasts and gets paid $3 million for that luxury? Jesus, I want to be a lesbian. And don't tell me I can't because I have a penis when we just spent the past five minutes talking about Sam "Danglely Dong" Ronson. On that note, I want my lesbo handle to be "SharkBalls Cunningham." That's Ellen's name? Forgive me, Godfather!

Here's somebody I had completely forgotten about: Former supermodel Stephanie Seymour. Back in the day, Stephanie was up there with the likes of Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer, and she was one of the original Victoria's Secret Angel. You might also remember her as Axl Rose's girlfriend who he beat the shit out of then tried to sue for $100,000 after they broke up. In case he forgot, I included two pics just for Axl (Here and here.), so he can cry a little bit harder the next time he fails to bang Kelly Osbourne. Merry Christmas! NOTE: Added the classic Guns N' Roses video "November Rain" featuring Stephanie and the greatest Slash solo ever after the jump.

With Tara Reid in rehab, someone has to become Hollywood's once-aspiring actress who can't keep her face out of the drink. Enter Kirsten Dunst. Here she is drunkenly leaving Bardot last night with her male companion The Cosby Sweater Bandit. Seeing Kirsten like this has made me exponentially more interested in the upcoming production of Spider-man 4. Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 1 TOBEY: I'm here to rescue you, MJ! KIRSTEN: MJ? Shit, you holdin'? SAM RAIMI: CUT! Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 3 TOBEY: I'm here to res - JESUS! KIRSTEN: What? No full-frontal? I'll be in my trailer. TOBEY: That's a Port-a-John KIRSTEN: Jealous? Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 5 TOBEY: I'm here to rescue you, MJ! KIRSTEN: *pees on Dr. Octupus* Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 8 TOBEY: I'm here to rescue you, MJ! KIRSTEN: Remember during the first movie when we dated? Well, I never told you this, but you got me pregnant. I kept the child, and she's secretly lived with me to this day. Crying herself to sleep every night asking "Where's daddy?" TOBEY: Oh my God... KIRSTEN: Ha! PSYCHE! I had an abortion.

So, remember when Paris Hilton's house was broken into while she was at Christina Aguilera's birthday party? Two fun facts about that: 1. TMZ reports Paris left the front door unlocked while relying solely on her chihuahua for security. And 2. Surprise! She wasn't even invited to Christina's party in the first place, according to Page Six:

Hilton and Flickinger were at LA restaurant Saam Thursday night in the private dining area when Christina Aguilera, who was celebrating her 28th birthday, walked in. "Christina was with hubby Jordan Bratman, Nicole Richie and Joel and Benji Madden," our spy said. "Paris wasn't invited and left shortly before they arrived so she wouldn't have to see Benji or be asked to leave the private area for Christina."

Didn't Paris just say something about having great karma? Then again, when your vagina technically qualifies as a landfill, I guess getting robbed and becoming a social pariah still warrants a smiley face in your diary for the day: "<3 At least nobody died from my genitals! Yay!! :D"

You'd think bikini pictures of Alicia Keys would be all kinds of crazy hot with maybe some sexy piano-playing thrown in for good measure. Turns out you, and most importantly me, would be horribly mistaken. Here's Alicia at a hotel pool in Australia just chowing down, checking her Blackberry and generally being the exact opposite of erotic. I mean, would it kill her to do some sort of seductive musical number. Christ, there's even a fork and some water glasses right next to her. Regale me, dammit!

Kevin Federline took his Britney-replacement beach volleyball player Victoria Prince to Tao in Vegas last night, and if that's not the face of a man who just impregnated a woman, I don't know what is. (Read: I'm sterile. Ladies?) NOTE: Also included Suge Knight scoping out K-Fed's ass, and loving what he sees, because sometimes it's important to remember we live in an insanely random universe - that I'm probably getting shot in. Whee.

Well, it's official: Marley & Me is a steaming pile of FAIL sauce ala suck. For the second night in a row, Jennifer Aniston has allowed herself to be photographed in public with John Mayer. Clearly, she's basking in the final minutes of her fame because after this movie hits, these two could have an orgy in Central Park with The Rockettes, and nobody would bat an eye. Unless you count me on the sidelines yelling "Let's see some more kicking, ladies!" while trying to pretend John Mayer is an ill-placed fleshy park bench. I'm particular about my holiday cheer.