Lisa Rinna, in an obvious effort to make my nightmares come to life, is posing nude for Playboy again, according to E! Online:

The TV Guide Network correspondent and former Dancing With the Stars contestant has more or less confirmed rumors—well, she's certainly not doing anything to squelch them—that she's planning to pose nude for Playboy.
"I'm the worst liar on the planet, I can't lie, so...I think that could be a yes," she told Extra recently when asked about the possibility.

Did anyone ask for this? No, Jesus, of course not. I'm pretty sure the editors of Playboy are just throwing darts at a list of random TV stars from the 90s. Which means we should start preparing ourselves as a society for a Delta Burke centerfold. Think 9/11, but it's in your eye.

Here's Hugh Jackman stripping off his jacket while going through security at LAX this morning. These might do something for some for you, or absolutely nothing for none of you. The important things is, I could beat this guy in arm wrestling. Wait, what? That's his bicep? Jesus, I thought he had a beer keg strapped to his arm for the flight. Or am I the only one who does that?

Here's a scantily-clad Halle Berry filming her new movie Frankie and Alice in Vancouver, and scope out the synopsis for this movie from Variety:

Story follows a young woman struggling with multiple personality disorder and torn between who she is and a racist Caucasian alter-personality that preys upon her mind.

So, think the boob-flashing of Swordfish meets that time your cousin brought his new black girlfriend to Thanksgiving dinner, and your grandfather said "Hey, look a colored person!" Which you silently laughed at in your head, while out loud saying "Alright, who stole his meds again?" They should use that on the poster. NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that are not screen grabs from Rocks: The Whitney Houston Story.

- Madonna wants to adopt another child despite her divorce from Guy Ritchie. With a full schedule of touring on her plate, sources say she's going the old-fashioned route: Bear traps and lollipops. [Star] - Jeremy Piven tried to say he had mono before switching to his sushi-induced mercury poisoning excuse for bailing on a Broadway play. Personally, I think he should've gone with cat AIDS, but hey, we can't all be professionals. [TMZ] - David Copperfield broke an assistant's arm during a magic trick last night. "Many people assume that the death-defying illusions I do onstage are not dangerous," he said before adding "Which is why I let the interns do all the crazy shit. Otherwise, no supper. SHAZAM!" [E! Online] - The Duggar Family, stars of TLC's 17 Kids and Counting and followers of the insane Quiverfull movement, welcomed an 18th child last night and are already talking about a 19th. Somewhere, Angelina Jolie is giving her uterus the pep talk of its life. It's on, fuckers! [People]

Somebody broke into Paris Hilton's house that she earned all by herself thanks to a healthy dose of hard work and karma. The burglary took place early this morning and with surprising ease, according to TMZ:

According to cops, a man in a hooded sweatshirt forced entry into her front door and ransacked her bedroom. Preliminary reports indicate $2 mil in jewelry and other belongings were taken.

So, $2 million in jewelry, but she can't spring for ADT. Social Darwinism, I love you.

Christina Aguilera went with A Clockwork Orange theme for 28th birthday at Osterria Mozza last night, and remind me to thank her for letting Jordan Bratman play dress-up, too. I was just thinking to myself the other day "It's been way too long since my retinas burned with an intense white-hot hellfire." On that note, Katie Holmes' birthday was also yesterday, but she didn't have cool guests like Paris Hilton with douchebag date and Nicole Richie. Instead, Tom Cruise brought a cake onstage during the curtain call of her Broadway show. If that's not boring enough for you, she also turned 30 and might as well be a man at this point. Which is probably the best marriage advice anyone's ever given her. So, hey, Happy Birthday!

There's about to be a gunfight at the Herp-K Corral. Britney Spears and Benji Madden have been "secretly dating," according to In Touch. The two were supposedly hooked up by Britney's manager Larry Rudolph who's hoping to use their relationship to promote her upcoming tour. Via PopCrunch:

“They’ve been on a few dates,” a snitch close to Madden revealed in the December 29 edition of the tab. “They met once at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills for dinner in a hotel suite.”
So far, things are blossoming smoothly for the rumored lovers.
“She appears to like Benji a lot, and he seems to really like her.”
According to the In Touch spy, Britney’s manager worked with Papa Jamie Spears to create a list of potential boyfriends for the pop icon. In addition to Benji, the list also included Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford, actor Jesse Metcalf, and Olympian Michael Phelps.
“Larry made some phone calls and Benji ended up being the most interested in being fixed up.”

Of course, Benji Madden was the most interested. He just got dumped by Paris Hilton. If somebody asked him "Hey, Benji, want to date a ham sandwich?", he'd probably throw on a tux and buy flowers. I mean, God, he just wants someone to hold him close and say "Everything's gonna be alright - unless you're having an outbreak then, Jesus Christ, get off my bed." Is that too much to ask? *sigh*

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were conveniently spotted together last night in New York City being very affectionate. The couple usually go out of the way to avoid being photographed together, but this time they might as well have started posing. Realizing subtlety wasn't invited on this date, John Mayer jokingly referenced the 900 gorilla in the room. Us Magazine reports:

While walking, he plugged her new movie Marley & Me.
"I'm happy to report the movie is completely in focus," he told photographers as Aniston laughed. "I want everyone to know that."
Then he joked that he and Aniston were walking all the way to Harlem.
"90 more blocks, guys!" he teased photographers. "90 more blocks!"

For his participation, John Mayer was awarded one 30-second trip to second base. (Under the shirt, above the bra.) However, this didn't exclude him from their nightly ritual of watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith while crying and stabbing tabloid pictures of Angelina Jolie in the face. But they did make S'Mores. Awww yeah!

Here's the second round of exclusive pics from Kim Kardashian's 2009 Wall Calendar. Now with more seductively placed area rugs and Western-themed innuendos. Giddy up! Thanks again to Kim Kardashian who wants you to swing by her online store and pick up a calendar for someone you love this holiday. On that note, Grandma, your Christmas just got shitloads more awesome! And to think, I almost bought you that Josh Groban CD you wanted. You're welcome.

These are exclusive photos full of lingerie goodness from Kim Kardashian's 2009 Wall Calendar and, also, some that didn't make the cut. We'll have the rest of the months exclusively on the bright tomorrow, so be sure to check back. In the meantime, if you want one these babies hanging in your garage/lair/wife's closet (She won't mind.), they're available online through Kim's Official Store. Tell them I sent you. Actually, don't because it's a computer, and people will think you're crazy. Thanks to Kim for the pics and being surprisingly cool with me calling your sister a Sasquatch this morning. I mean, uh, some other guy did. I don't even know what an Internet is!