In Ricky Gervais' new comedy audiobook, he jokes that fat asses who get lipo and the gastric bypass surgery are "lazy fat pigs." Karl Lagerfeld just fell in love (see below).

Ricky said, "If your arse is too fucking fat, stop eating and go for a run." The Telegraph said Ricky was attacking overweight people. He responded to this on his own blog by saying he will never stop the fat jokes until doctors prove that being a member of the chunk club is something you're born with. Has Ricky never heard of the fat gene?! Anyway, here's what he had to say:

I heard someone on the radio once say that they were tired of the prejudice aimed at the overweight. They said something like "you're not allowed to make fun of gay people, so why are you allowed to make fun of fat people? It's the same thing."

It's not the same thing though, is it? Gay people are born that way. They didn't work at becoming gay. Fat people became fat because they would rather be that way than stop eating so much. They had to eat and eat to get fat. Then, when they were fat they had to keep up the eating to stay fat. For gayness to be the same as fatness, gay people would have to start off straight but then ween themselves onto cock. Soon they're noshing all day getting gayer and gayer. They've had more than enough cock... they're full... they're just sucking for the sake of it. Now they're overgay, and frowned upon by people who can have the occasional cock but not over indulge.

When a doctor tells me that that's how you become gay, I'll stop making jokes about fat people.

"Overgay" is the story of my life. Just ask my doctor. He prescribed me a diet of less Bravo, more Spike and less cock, more Kid Rock. That last part rhymes!

Anybody who has seen Ricky's act knows that he's a fat bitch who makes fun of fat bitches and he knows it. When he makes a blubber joke, he'll follow it up with, "I'm a fatty bo batty myself..." or something like that. Because he's a plumpy himself, it's okay for him to make fun of fatties, right? Right?

And who takes him seriously anyway? He's a fucking comedian. It's just jokes! Jokes! People get are so damn oversensitive. You can't make fun of fat people, skinny bitches, gays, lezzies, straights, gingers, squirrels, ferns, etc... What else is there left to laugh at? Rocks?! Well, that includes most of Hollywood, so that settles that. We'll only make fun of fucking rocks!

Reading Karl Lagerfeld hating on fatties made me remember when he used to be a BBWHZ (big busted white haired zombie) himself! This is when he used to eat regular human food instead of the fallen locks of emaciated models. This is also when he used to smile with his mouth! I don't think Karl has smiled since the early 90s. He doesn't smile now, because that's something "only ze fat jalli pepull do." I miss fat Karl, but skeleton Karl is just as entertaining.

Our Uncle Karl was kind enough to crawl out of his tomb and give an interview to the Telegraph about his love of fur and his hate of fat chicks. First up, Karl responded to the fashion industry being criticized for using skinny malnourished bitches on the runway. Karl said the number of size 000 models pales in comparison to the "zillions" of fat bitches who roam the land eating everything in sight.

Please read the next quote with a French accent and picture Karl furiously fanning himself. I think if he ever stops fanning himself, his skin will gracefully fall off his bones. Karl said, "In France there are, I think, less than one per cent of people who are too skinny. There are nearly 30 per cent of young people who are too fat. So let's take care of the zillions of the too fat before we talk about the percentage that's left."

Uncle Karl didn't stop there! He also thinks that if we didn't kill ze animals, they'd kill us! He defended the fur industry by saying many hunters make their living and support their families by killing furry creatures so that he can lay his naked bones all over a luscious mink throw. He said, "Killing those beasts who would kill us if they could." He said that whenever possible, the animals should be killed "nicely."

Karl himself hardly ever eats meat! Mostly because it's physically impossible for him to chew on that shit without his jaw falling off. His slaves have to blend down his filet mignon and serve it to him with a straw. Karl said, "In a meat-eating world, wearing leather for shoes and clothes and even handbags, the discussion of fur is childish."

Karl is right. When I was little, I had this pet bunny that was always winking at me. Evil winks! If I didn't keep him in a cage all the time, he probably would have tore out my eyeballs and used them to juggle with. And he'd wink at me the whole time knowing very well that I couldn't see a little bunny juggling eyeballs. Pure evil! So we must butcher those beasts before they murder us all! I mean, the bunny wouldn't stop winking at me!

And you know that at this very moment Karl is down in his dungeon trying to find a way for fat bitches to grow mink hair. Two birds....

Escandalo! Maybe? I hope. Kelly Rutherford has quit her marriage of two years and she's three months knocked up! Oh shit. Dat baby ain't his! Or maybe she woke up and realized he had busted gay face for a reason: because he loves the peen. Or maybe he got sick of sharing the tit with his 2-year-old! Uh oh. Here comes the e-mails from La Leche League. Brace yourself, inbox.

Whatever the case may be, Kelly filed for divorce from Daniel Giersch on December 30th in Los Angeles. She claimed the good old "irreconcilable differences" as the reason why her legal union crashed and burned. I'm pretty sure that in Hollywood, "irreconcilable differences" means the wifey caught the husband licking on another man's ass lips. Check the legal books.

Kelly and Daniel have a 2-year-old handbag son together they named Hermés Gustaf Giersch.

This is Kelly's second divorce. Her first marriage lasted a grand total of five whole months. Hey, at least she broke her last record.

But seriously, I think I've seen her power bottom twink husband dancing to a Deborah Cox song on a box in nothing but tighty whiteys at Micky's in West Hollywood back in the day.

Escandalo! Maybe? I hope. Kelly Rutherford has quit her marriage of two years and she's three months knocked up! Oh shit. Dat baby ain't his! Or maybe she woke up and realized he had busted gay face for a reason: because he loves the peen. Or maybe he got sick of sharing the tit with his 2-year-old! Uh oh. Here comes the e-mails from La Leche League. Brace yourself, inbox.

Whatever the case may be, Kelly filed for divorce from Daniel Giersch on December 30th in Los Angeles. She claimed the good old "irreconcilable differences" as the reason why her legal union crashed and burned. I'm pretty sure that in Hollywood, "irreconcilable differences" means the wifey caught the husband licking on another man's ass lips. Check the legal books.

Kelly and Daniel have a 2-year-old handbag son together they named Hermés Gustaf Giersch.

This is Kelly's second divorce. Her first marriage lasted a grand total of five whole months. Hey, at least she broke her last record.

But seriously, I think I've seen her power bottom twink husband dancing to a Deborah Cox song on a box in nothing but tighty whiteys at Micky's in West Hollywood back in the day.

Ian Golder, world famous Macaroni and Cheese lover - Ian was featured on that show Unwrapped because of his insane obsession with boxed Macaroni and Cheese. This dude is all kinds of awesome. Just watch him describe how all of his 365 boxes are the same. "It always has the word 'dinner' on it, even though people eat it for lunch." Amazing.

Ian also opened my eyes to the underground world of boxed Mac and Cheese fetishists, because apparently he gets fan mail from around the world! By the way, half of those letters probably come from Brit Brit. I also have to ask, do you think he ever gets sexy with his and only love "American Pie-style"? Probably only with Velveeta's Shells and Cheese. It's "the smooth, creamy, one-of-a-kind taste your family will love and keeping asking for by name." Clip below:

(For Nina)

Ian Golder, world famous Macaroni and Cheese lover - Ian was featured on that show Unwrapped because of his insane obsession with boxed Macaroni and Cheese. This dude is all kinds of awesome. Just watch him describe how all of his 365 boxes are the same. "It always has the word 'dinner' on it, even though people eat it for lunch." Amazing.

Ian also opened my eyes to the underground world of boxed Mac and Cheese fetishists, because apparently he gets fan mail from around the world! By the way, half of those letters probably come from Brit Brit. I also have to ask, do you think he ever gets sexy with his and only love "American Pie-style"? Probably only with Velveeta's Shells and Cheese. It's "the smooth, creamy, one-of-a-kind taste your family will love and keeping asking for by name." Clip below:

(For Nina)

Danica McKellar (34)
Alex D. Linz (20)
Kimberly Locke (31)
Jason Marsden (34)
Mel Gibson (53)
Victoria Principal (59)
Dabney Coleman (77)
Robert Loggia (79)

I am a zillion light years late with this, but I was traveling back from California to NYC for most of today. I know I just disappeared. I figured I'd write a note to you bitches in the terminal, but Long Beach Airport's janky ass internet was not cooperating, so I had to nix it. But here's the story. Skip it if you've heard it a million times already.

John Travolta and Kelly Preston's 16-year-old son, Jett, died in the Bahamas while he was on vacation with his family. Jett was last seen going into the bathroom in one his family's suites at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel last night. His body wasn't discovered until 10 this morning by his caretaker, Jeff Michael Kathrein. Jeff is the blondie in the picture below and he was also caught kissing on John Travolta back in 2006.

TMZ says that the police report states Jett suffered a seizure and hit his head on the bathtub. John's attorney said his son died at the scene after attempts to revive him were unsuccessful. His attorney also said that Jett had a history of seizures.

There were rumors that Jett was Autistic, but John has always denied this and even threatened to sue over it. John said Jett had Kawasaki Syndrome, a disorder that can lead to heart disease. Kelly Preston later blamed household cleaners for all of Jett's health problems. She said one of L. Ron Hubbard's detoxification programs helped Jett.

An autopsy is being performed on Jett to find the exact cause of death.

I'll admit that when I first heard about this, the word "Scientology" came at me in big evil letters, but we won't know anything until the autopsy. When I was on the plane, the women behind me were watching this story on Larry King and totally saying all this crazy shit. People were totally giving them the side-eye. They should've wrote this post. All I know is that this sad all around and I will leave it at that.

Here is case #3,457,485 of a bitch using the phrase "over the moon" to describe a new part of their life. It's my duty to keep track of this kind of overused fuckery.

This one comes from Sarah Palin. She issued this statement yesterday about the birth of her new grandkiddie Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston: "We are over the moon with the arrival of this healthy, beautiful baby. The road ahead for this young couple will not be easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy."

Wait. If this came from Sarah Plain, shouldn't they be "over the dead moose"?

Thanks Michael

Why is Wolverine so angry? The jacuzzi is supposed to be soothing. Have a glass of boxed wine, put your peen in the jet and relax - Towleroad

Chloe Sevigny is in a two-piece - Egotastic!

No break for Beckham - Lainey Gossip

Brit Brit returns to her native Walmart - Just Jared

Beat and beater - Hollywood Tuna

Jennifer Garner has been pregnant for decades - Popsugar

The horror of celebrity clowns - Cityrag

The Queen's family jewels have been stolen - Hollywood Rag

How was Aretha Franklin not #1 on this list? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Working out every day isn't going to erase Fergie's methface - I'm Not Obsessed

Sophia Bush still exists - ICYDK

Kate Hudson is boring - Celebitchy